What Are Friends For

“You did what?

“You heard me.”

“I was hoping I’d developed temporary deafness.”

“Nope. You heard right.”


“Do you really want me to get into the whys and hows? Because I can.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think my brain is functioning properly at the moment.”


“That’s all you have to say? Understandable? Do you have any idea what this means?”

“I have a pretty good idea, yes, considering.”

“Considering what, exactly?”

“Considering I had no clue what I was doing.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“Really? What gave it away?”

“Your reputation as a notorious idiot.”

“I’m  flattered.”

“You should be, considering.”

“Haha. No, but seriously, what are we going to do?”

“Oh no. No no no.”





“Are we doing some sort of verbal tennis routine? Because I warn you, I can go on for—”

“Shut up. We aren’t going to do anything because you got yourself into this mess and you are going to fix it.”

“Oh. I was hoping you would —”

“You were dead wrong. I’m not doing that again.”

“Doing what?”

“You know what.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”



“For God’s sake! I’m not going to bail you out of this like last time. Go find someone else to clean up your messes, alright? I was doing something important before you rudely interrupted. What was I doing?”

“If it was important, wouldn’t you remember?”

“You’re infuriating.”

“I thought I was a notorious idiot.”

“You’re an infuriatingly notorious idiot.”

“I like notorious idiot better.”




“So did you figure it out?”

“Figure what out?”

“The important thing you were doing before I rudely interrupted.”


“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“…Why do I know you, is the right question to ask.”

“Well. That’s not nice. You need a nap or something?”

“Ahhhhhh. I remembered what I was doing.”


“I was sleeping. So kindly leave me alone and I can get back to it.”

“Sleeping is more important than helping your friend when he’s in need?”

“Of course not. But you did just say that I need a nap, so…”

“Then help me! And I was speaking figuratively.”

“I would, except there’s one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“We’re not friends.”

“Oh come on!”

“You thought we were friends?”


“I pity you. You are now the infuriatingly notorious idiot who has no friends and deserves to be pitied.”

“Hey! I have friends.”

“You do?”

“Plenty of friends.”

“Name five.”

“Easy. There’s Yoda, Darth, Luke —”

“Those are Star Wars characters.”

“Your point?”

“I repeat, I pity you.”

“If you pity me, then help me.”

“Go away.”

“I’ll buy you something.”

“I assure you I’m not that desperate.”

“And you called me rude.”

“I did indeed. You’ve progressed to the rude infuriatingly friendless notorious idiot who deserves to be pitied and likes to state the blatantly obvious.”

“I hate you.”

“Feeling’s mutual.”

“We’re not friends.”

“There you go again with the obvious.”

“I’m leaving.”



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